I am surrounded by the feeling of never being good enough.
Never a good enough teacher because I’m a 3 on evaluations instead of a 5. Because my kids are too loud and sometimes test too low. Because I lose my cool and snap at them sometimes.
Never a good enough leader because I don’t know how to make everyone happy. Because my social anxiety makes me overthink and second guess every decisions. Because talking to people exhausts me.
Never a good enough writer because my books don’t win awards. They don’t even get read. Because I can’t market to save my life. Because I can’t finish my series. Because I can’t STAY MOTIVATED.
Never a good enough friend because I can’t remember to text people back. Because after a while, they get tired of dealing with the highs and lows of my depression. Because I can’t keep morphing into whoever they need me to be. It’s exhausting and I’m so so tired of forcing everything.
Never a good enough mom.
That one hurts the most.
I’ll never be a good enough mom because I lose my temper. Because I need breaks. Because I work so much. Because I don’t make enough. Because I’m exhausted all the time. Because I don’t read enough books to him. Because I screw everything up, and I’m scared he will be next. I cannot let him be next.
Never a good enough wife because I’m not patient. Because I don’t communicate well. Because I’m so needy and we don’t have the time for me to be needy. Because I don’t always know why I’m sad or angry or upset. Because I cry all the time.
I’ll never be good enough.
And I’m so tired of feeling like that.
If I’m never going to do it right, what’s the point of doing it at all?
My God, I’m so freaking tired.